By Martha Heineman Pieper, William J. Pieper
Drawing upon their years of counseling adventure, the bestselling writer group of Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D. clarify how parenting kinds in keeping with self-discipline and over the top expectancies youngsters to equate disappointment with love. This usually persists into maturity, resulting in behaviors together with consuming problems, compulsive playing, disastrous romantic offerings, substance abuse, and extra. This booklet offers readers with strong instruments, together with self-assessments, checklists, diaries, and routines, to beat their desire for disappointment.
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Extra info for Addicted to Unhappiness: Free Yourself from Moods and Behaviors That Undermine Relationships, Work, and the Life You Want
There is a crucial distinction between unintentionally causing an injury and being morally responsible for it. You may unknowingly be coming down with the flu and infect everyone in your office, but you are not to blame for their getting ill. Similarly, parents may relate to children in ways that cause them to develop needs to make themselves 40 Addicted to Unhappiness unhappy, but that doesn’t mean that they are blameworthy. In all our years of working with parents, even including abusive parents, we have never met parents who didn’t want to do the right thing by their child.
Judy Judy, an administrative assistant in her early thirties, was living with and engaged to Tom, a man who regularly gambled away everything he made. Judy felt it was her job to help Tom overcome his gambling problem. She tried to convince him to give her part of his paycheck to hold, but Tom became indignant. When he spent all his money and begged for hers, she often gave in and let him have as much of her earnings as she could spare. Judy had to put in many extra hours at her own job to earn the money to cover Tom’s half of the rent, and to save for their wedding and for a down payment on the house they wanted to buy.
Equally important, Joe realized that he was vulnerable to causing himself this kind of unhappiness whenever anything went wrong. When a disappointment occurred, he became increasingly able to recognize and then to insulate himself against the feeling that he deserved to suffer. Sometimes Joe would have nightmares after experiencing a particularly keen disappointment. We showed him that his nightmares were a sign of progress, because they were a much preferable outlet for his needs to make himself miserable than torturing himself during his waking hours.